So, you’re in a busy public place and your child drops to the floor, legs and arms flaying around. Oh, of course let’s not forget the ear-piercing screeches. In fact, surely Pavarotti would be impressed with the high pitch and volume created by these little humans. Tantrums are hard for kids and parents alike, and to top it off they sometimes occur in a highly populated area. It is however, important to remember that tantrums are normal for young kids. Many children with Autism and other children can also experience Meltdowns which can sometime look like tantrums but are quite different things. Read on for info about tantrums, meltdowns, and tips and strategies on what to do if your child has a tantrum or meltdown.
Firstly, it is important to remember that you know your child better than anyone else, trust your own judgment and do NOT panic! Children with autism they are highly likely to have meltdowns which may appear very similar, but are caused by very different reasons to tantrums. Autism is a complex condition which affects approximately 1 in 100 children, however some research suggests that it may affect as many as 1 in 68 children. Autism is a lifelong condition and presents in each person differently.
If you are a parent of a child who has recently been diagnosed with autism, you probably have a million questions you want answered. Please see the bottom of this blog for useful websites which may be able to help in answering some of your questions.
Meltdowns and tantrums are the same thing, right?
Wrong! Fundamentally, the causes of meltdowns and tantrums are very different.
Meltdowns are neurological and the person experiencing the meltdown has very little control over them.
Tantrums are behavioural and caused by emotions such as anger or frustration. It should be noted that tantrums are considered to be a part of typical development. Tantrums typically start appearing at around two years old (a.k.a. the ‘terrible twos’). Children tend to grow out of tantrums as they get older but, meltdowns often occur when a child grows older.
How can I tell the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum?
It is hard to differentiate between meltdowns and tantrums, and children with autism are likely to have both tantrums and meltdowns, at different times.
There are a few things to look out for when working out whether your child is having a meltdown or tantrum:
- Is your child looking at you for a reaction or are they completely out of control? If they appear to be behaving for attention and seeking out attention by looking at you then it’s a tantrum. A meltdown is NOT for attention!
- Can the child be calmed down through verbal discussion? If they can, then it is a tantrum NOT a meltdown. A child undergoing a meltdown will not be calmed by you talking, and in fact this may add to the sensory overload, making the meltdown worse.
- Is your child showing increased self-soothing, repetitive behaviours also known as ‘stimming’ behaviours? These behaviours may appear as pacing, flapping or rocking. If you notice these behaviours increasing you may be able to help your child before they reach the meltdown point as this suggests they are highly anxious.
- Is the child self-harming? If you watch a toddler throw themselves on the floor you can usually tell if they are doing it for effect or whether they are completely out of control. Children having a tantrum are generally careful enough not to harm themselves. They may throw themselves on the floor but, they’re careful not to throw themselves at the floor with full force. A child having a meltdown is very much out of control and may genuinely hurt themselves and others around them.
Why is it important to work out if your child has having a tantrum or a meltdown?
It is vital we identify whether the child is displaying a tantrum or meltdown as we need to respond differently. It’s important to note that one ‘tricky episode’ may start as a tantrum, and become a meltdown. The presentation of meltdowns and tantrums will vary between children, and between events.
Tips and strategies in responding to a tantrum:
- ‘Name it to tame it’ – Show that you understand how your child is feeling e.g. say “I know you feel angry/upset/frustrated”, this shows you acknowledge their emotions
- Do NOT give in! If your child screams to get something they want and you give it to them, you have taught them that screaming gets them what they want. Tantrums are only going to increase in the future if you give in to your child
- Ignoring the child’s negative behaviour and praising the positive behaviour is important. Remember the child is seeking out a response, but by not reacting parents minimise the negative behaviour. Praise their positive behaviour very specifically, and praise their peers’/siblings’ positive behaviour when your child can hear.
Tips and strategies in responding to a meltdown:
- Make sure your child is safe – remove any sharp or breakable objects from nearby. If your child head bangs or kicks out violently surround them with soft surfaces (e.g. cushions, crash mats or even clothing)
- Do not talk to them, you will add to their sensory overload and right now they aren’t able to process what you are saying
- Wait it out, sit down (not too close) and wait for them to calm down
- After a meltdown you should seek a peaceful and relaxing space with minimal noise, light and people
- Be prepared, if you know there is a toy or something that soothes your child have this with you (e.g. stress ball)
- Try and record the times your child has a meltdown, including what happened before the meltdown. This will help you identify causes and in turn will help you to avoid them if possible, reducing meltdowns in the future.
Please refer to these websites for more information about autism:
http://www.autismawareness.com.au/
http://raisingchildren.net.au/children_with_autism/children_with_autism_spectrum_disorder.html
https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/
How can a Speech Therapist help with tantrums and meltdowns?
Tantrums and meltdowns are aspects of your child’s communication. Speech therapists help to understand the reasons for your child’s behaviour, the message they’re sending with their behaviour, and share strategies to help your child find other ways to express themselves.
At Clear Communicators Speech Therapy, we support many children with autism and their families. Send us your questions – we look forward to hearing from you.